Can I Be Your Good Steward, Rick?

From: Glen Cram
To: Rick Santorum
Subject: Job application

Mr Santorum,

Having read with interest your interpretation of God’s instructions to Adam regarding his rights and responsibilities vis-a-vis the Earth, I would like to offer my services as steward to the Santorum household. If hired I will, to the best of my abilities, undertake to perform the following duties:

  • Poison your flowerbeds
  • Shit in your water supply
  • Slaughter your pets
  • Stink up your air with secondhand smoke
  • Strip all your material assets and turn them into worthless junk
  • Squander your fuel by turning up the thermostat to unbearable levels
  • Use all your food to run my car
  • Enslave the other members of your staff to accomplish the above and make myself rich

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to doing for you what you have so kindly offered to do for the nation and the world!


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